You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
