I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
