I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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