i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize