I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
