i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
