then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
