Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
