yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
