My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
