I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
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