what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
