Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16

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(450): View more from Quebec

Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.

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(251): View more from Alabama

how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?

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(303): View more from Colorado

So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?

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(906): View more from Michigan

he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor

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(314): View more from Missouri

Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.

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(425): View more from Washington

Hungover. No words. Just memes.

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(714): View more from California

Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?

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