Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
