grandma shit on top of the toilet
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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