he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
