I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
