Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
