dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
