Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i dont even know how to be here
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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