I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
