2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
