Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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