he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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