Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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