Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize