one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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