Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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