You're so nebulous sometimes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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