It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
