My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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