Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want to fling myself into the sun
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize