Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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