Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
