I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
