i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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