Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
