There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's shark week go big or go home
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
