Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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