How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
