When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize