Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize