YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
