Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize