he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
