Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
