WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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