I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
