so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
