He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
