This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
