I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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