evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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