YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
