dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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