Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
