i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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