wanna go halves on a baby?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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