Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
