fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
