Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
