Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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