There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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