Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
